A change in life

Nobody knows what their life will turn out like or what types of changes will come. I have come to a point in my life where I have two paths. I’m not sure which path I am meant to go down but I can only pray that God will show me the one he wants for me. One of these paths, I would NEVER (and I do mean NEVER) have expected to be placed before me. Had someone told me that I would be considering such a path 5 years ago, I would have gladly recommended they get a CT Scan and visit the local mental hospital. While I’m not a perfect person and never claimed to be, I do believe in God. And one thing I have learned over the years is that among God’s many many gifts is a truly wonderful and somewhat devious sense of humor. As is evidenced many times over in our daily lives. Alas, my mind has wondered so back on topic…

I believe in forgiveness and that God, manifest in Jesus came to earth to walk among us and to experience our pain and to ultimately die for our sins and return to heaven. I’m far from perfect and indeed the bible told us that all of us have fallen short of the glory of God.

I was angry with God for a long time. Angry that I was different (gay), then angry that my Dad passed and then angry that my Mom left us. Just so very angry. I prayed for a long time about the whole gay thing. I begged God that I would gladly have anything but to be gay. I worried what my parents would think if they found out. But not once, in my entire life have I found any attraction to women. I was so angry with God over being gay. I said to him “Why me? Why didn’t you fix me?” I know that may sound silly but it’s true. I was like a child throwing a temper tantrum. But God loves me anyways. He has the patience to deal with me when I do something silly or stupid.

Of late, I’ve found a great church with people that truly made me think about what my relationship with God meant to me and it has made me realize how silly and childish I was. I have found happiness in a church I never expected to. I have found opportunity that I never expected from any church. An opportunity to serve. This service has made me seriously consider what service to the body of Christ means. A life of service as a Christian.

And while I’m on the subject, just what does it mean to be Christian. To me, it means Christ like. Now don’t get me wrong…I’m no reincarnation of Christ. Far from it. When I say Christ like, what I mean is this. A Christian is a mortal brother or sister who strives in their live to live it as a reflection of the ideals of Jesus Christ. It doesn’t mean we are perfect. It means that we strive to live our lives in a way that reflects well upon Jesus. Loving one another unconditionally, reaching out and helping the poor or disadvantaged, standing up for what is right even if it cost us dearly, feeding the hungry, praying for those who need it.

Over the years, I’ve known people that call themselves christians but really don’t understand what it means. Their view is that they go to church, sing a hymn, hangout with each other and feel good about it. But few of them take the time to tell a stranger about God. Or to donate time or money to a food bank, volunteer at a shelter or do other Godly works. I’ve also known good Christians that cuss like a sailor, drink, smoke, have beards and tattoos, and look like they belong in a biker gang but love God and would gladly give a poor man the shirt off their back if they needed it. Heck I’ve even known a few nuns that could cuss and drink right along with the toughest of them and weren’t afraid to crack a knuckle or two.

The point is that God made a wonderfully diverse creation when he made us. We are all descended from Adam and Eve and therefore all of us are brothers or sisters in Christ. It doesn’t matter what color or creed we are, we are all children of one God. Another wonderful gift he gave us is the ability to hear him. It’s in the stillness of our mind that we can hear him clearly. Some people call it their conscience but I think it’s God. If we listen to him it tells us when we are doing something wrong.

I had a minister recently that I relayed the story of praying to God to fix me. He asked if God answered me. He did, and it wasn’t the answer I wanted so in my stubborn childish behavior I denied it was him. When I asked him to fix me… He said to me “Why? You’re not broken my son.” When I asked him why me… He replied with “Because you must know what it is if you are to help the others.” I didn’t want those answers. But the thing about God is that he doesn’t give us what we want always. Sometimes, he gives us what we need. But as Children we don’t always like the answer.

The paths I have ahead of me are to chose a normal life or a life of service to God. Every day I feel more drawn to the life of service and feel that I have always wanted that. For that path certain doors must open while others would be closed. If that is the life God has chosen for me, then that will happen. Either way, I suspect the next few years will be interesting. I hope it’s not asking too much but if you can pray that God’s will be done in my life, that would be appreciated. It is only by letting my own will be subject to his that I feel I will have a deeper walk with him.